The Good Men Project maintains a strong commitment to publishing work and fostering discussion on difficult subjects relating to gender and masculinity. My thoughts have been developing in conversations (real and virtual) following the Newtown shooting about the nature of violence and what we might do to heal. I am grateful to the editors for publishing my piece “Toy Soldiers, Real Guns” and hope the conversation can lead to more meaningful change.
(photo: puuikibeach / flickr)
I am pleased to have the following piece appear in The Good Men Project online:
In response to the recent news that my wife’s health condition had worsened, a coworker kindly offered to babysit. “You must have mistaken me for someone else in the office,” I replied, “We don’t have kids.” Being a considerate person, I expected her to respond to my email as others had before — with apologies, saying she meant no offense. But the next part of her message took me by surprise. She said something to the effect that I seemed grounded and settled, and that this is a quality she often admires in dads.
As a child, I always thought invisibility was the best possible super power. To be able to see and know what is going on, without being seen yourself, was something I craved. So much so that I still am taken aback when others share insights about me that they have gained from observation. But the idea that I was behaving in a visibly father-like way struck me as both poignant and profound.
The death of our infant son, and our subsequent inability to have another child, cast me into not only grief, but a longing to understand what my life is about.
Continue reading the full article online at The Good Men Project…